Insults vs. Comebacks

  • By MyAlterEgo on

    August 15, 2010

  • Without insults and comebacks, would we, as a society, be able to engage in some form of conversation? Yes, we would. Would the conversation be as interesting? Probably. This all said, what good are insults and comebacks?

    By definition (courtesy of Merriam-Webster), an insult is:
    to treat with insolence, indignity, or contempt : affront; also : to affect offensively or damagingly the reader's intelligence.
    Insults:
    1. Are a great way for friends to give each other a hard time. 
    2. Woman can tell guys to piss off if they are being bothered.
    3. Great ammo for a fight (it's all about the mental approach).
    4. Spice conversations up.
    5. Etc. etc.
     By definition (again, thank Merriam-Webster), a comeback (the context I will be using it in) is:
    a : a sharp or witty reply : retort b : a cause for complaint
     Comebacks:
    1. Obviously, counter the insult.
    2. Compliment a semi-serious, or serious, conversation (i.e. unexpected pregnancy; response: it's a good thing we used a condom).
    3. Break tension (i.e. awkward silence...isn't it just the worst?).
    4. Show you can hold your ground, and you can hang with the best (sometimes).
    5. Etc. etc.
    Now, I would like to take the time to provide you with a little something special....some of the most commonly used insults and comebacks on the market.

    There will be some good stuff on the list, and shit that a second grader could think of. Good or bad, they are still some of my favorites -- sometimes the worst insults/comebacks are the best....sometimes. Also, keep in mind that some of these could play for both teams.

    Insults
    • You look like shit.
    • Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
    • Didn't you use to be skinny?
    • I'm too good for you.
    • Why are you alive (yes, it's harsh)?
    • You will never make a living with that face.
    • You were adopted, your parents don't even love you (thank you Wedding Crashers).
    • Male: I thought I smelled tramp. Female: I thought I smelled an asshole.
    Comebacks
    • I know you are, but what am I?
    • Your face is ugly. (Insult and a comeback)
    • Do I look like I give a shit?
    • Does being a bitch run in the family? (More of a comeback, but is insulting)
    • Where did you get those clothes? At the toilet shop (thank you Anchorman)?
    • I'm sorry, it must look like I care what you think (kind of like the 3rd bullet).
    • Oh no you didn't!
    • I'm not antisocial. I just don't like you.
    • Wouldn't you like to know?
    • Don't worry about it.
    Many of these are basic, but can be used on a large volume of situations. Comment and tell me your favorite insult and comeback. Be as ruthless as you like, there is no wrong here.

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