Fat College Students Rejoice, No More Freshmen 15

  • By MyAlterEgo on

    September 25, 2010

  • Ever heard the term Freshman 15? Well, if you have not, let me give you a brief interpretation.

    Let's say a good looking girl/guy heads off to college. For most of their lifetime, they have always been in shape, athletic, etc.

    Once in college, they realize there is no parental guidance forcing them to get off of the couch and do something; no one telling them they cannot go out and binge drink all night.....they are free.

    Massive partying, laziness, and unhealthy eating habits ensue; that is when things take a turn for the worse. Next time you see this once promising looking student, athlete, whatever, they have ballooned about 15-30 pounds.

    With today's youth, the term should now be the Freshman 30, because partying and laziness has increased ten-fold.

    Of course, not all incoming college students are like this. I have just noticed the number increasing steadily over the years, and it gets a bit worrisome -- then again, I should not worry about other people's problems, because (1) I am in good shape, and (2) none of these kids are mine (at least I hope not).

    You don't want to look like this....do you?
    So, let me give you some very easy tips to follow while in school. Keep in mind, this is all common sense, and you do not have to have a 4.0 GPA to understand any of these.
    1. Exercise. You know what that means, don't you? Go for a jog; work out; get involved in some campus activities. Should be easy enough to figure out.
    2. Don't eat everything in sight. When you get bored, you tend to eat. Go drive around, or go with step #1. If you don't stuff your face, there is a good chance you stay a little thinner....go figure.
    3. Avoid binge drinking, and drinking too much alcohol in general. Beer contains carbohydrates -- a big build up of carbs, means weight gain -- no exercise/activeness with these built up carbs, means you are fat. Alcohol tends to make you lazy, and will lead to more eating.
    4. Find a fat roommate. Mean? Probably. Effective? I say, yes. You will see how they look (rolls of fat hanging out the side of their shirt; boobs -- guys only here -- bigger than any girl on campus; stretch marks that go on for days; etc.), and convince yourself to never look that bad. In return, your obese roommate may see how good you look, and will begin to shed some unwanted poundage themselves.
    There you have it. Four easy, and very basic, tips that will keep you looking fit throughout college. Follow these guidelines, and Jenny Craig will be full of jealousy (and out of business).

    Sidenote: I, at one point, in my college career gained about 25 pounds from laziness and partying. Three things made me change my ways: (1) I was always tired, (2) my stomach could form another butt, and (3) playing baseball required that I be in better shape.

    As Dean Vernon Wormer, from Animal House, stated:
    Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.


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